2013 New Years’ (Relationship) Resolutions

It’s a little known fact that Matt and Bec are trained pyrotechnics professionals and have consulted on fireworks displays worldwide.

Bec’s 2013 Relationship New Years’ Resolutions

  1. I resolve to try and remember to drive around the overhanging tree branches instead of through them, despite us having a 4WD, made for that purpose.
  2. I resolve to not cut you off saying “I hate science/history/cars” whenever I feel your story is heading that way. Although entertaining and a sure time-saver for me, I get that it might be perceived as rude.
  3. I resolve to try to maintain a neutral expression when you choose ‘dub step’ on Spotify instead of my usual ‘I’d rather lick a recently-used razor than listen to this shit’ expression.
  4. I resolve that when I go canoeing with you, I’ll strive for a 1:20 paddle stroke ratio. I know you’ll appreciate this significant increase. Exceptions to this rule though include it being hot, when I hear a mosquito, when I’m hungry, or when I see bubbles on the water’s surface indicating the obvious presence of a crocodile.
  5. I resolve to contemplate trying new foods other than different ways of doing potato.

Matt’s 2013 Relationship New Years’ Resolutions

  1. I resolve that piling dirty dishes in the sink will not get them as clean as piling them in the dishwasher and starting the dishwasher. And that sink-dwelling ants are not an internationally recognised cleaning agent, as per previous claims.
  2. I resolve to ‘listen’ to you when you are telling me about your day instead of day-dreaming about Zoe Deschanel moving in as our quirky new room-mate who votes with me 2-1 on watching Top Gear.
  3. I resolve to learn more interesting ways to deep fry or otherwise disguise vegetables so you can benefit from their nutritional value instead of their visual plate appeal alone. I resolve to use the ‘Interesting Ways to Cook Vegetables’ book you thoughtfully gave me for that explicit purpose, instead of using it as a book-end because I like the pretty pictures on the cover.
  4. I resolve that running away from home at the age of 32 and hiding in the back of the car is not a mature, emotionally-intelligent way of resolving marital conflict.
  5. I resolve that you do not need to be told that your way of navigating to your grandparents’ house is ‘bizarre’ and that whilst planning out the most effective route, taking into account traffic incidents and fuel efficiency would be prudent if I were in charge of the space shuttle program, such precision and judgment of those without such precision is not conducive to a harmonious car relationship. Especially when you are driving so I can have a few beers.

So, dear readers, we’ve shared. What are your New Years’ relationship resolutions?


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