Bec: …Yeah, well YOU NEVER EVER do the washing up and I hate the way you drive, and I’m not talking to you EVER AGAIN!
Matt: …Well, you wouldn’t know what washing up even LOOKED LIKE because you haven’t cooked dinner since 1994 and I hate the way you backseat drive. I’m not talking to YOU ever again! AND, I’m sleeping in the SPARE ROOM tonight.
Bec: Like I’d even WANT to sleep in the same bed as YOU!
Matt: FINE! And I’m going to slam every door between here and the spare bedroom, just so you know how SERIOUS I am about not talking to you!
Bec: Well there’s only ONE door in between here and the spare bedroom, which goes to show just how dumb you are! You don’t even know how many doors there are in this house. Probably because you spend all your time pissing on the floor of the toilet instead of in the toilet, while I CLEAN EVERYTHING ALL THE TIME AND I HATE YOUR STUPID TOENAIL CLIPPINGS ON THE FLOOR AND I HATE WHEN YOU PUT THE WEET-BIX PACKET IN THE BIN WHEN THERE’S STILL CRUMBS IN IT, I LIKE THE CRUMBS. I EAT THE CRUMBS. I TOLD YOU THAT A MILLION TIMES BUT YOU STILL PUT IT IN THE BIN WHICH SHOWS YOU DON’T PAY ATTENTION AND YOU DON’T LOVE ME !
Matt: WELL YOU BOUGHT THE WRONG YOGHURT THE OTHER DAY!
Matt slams spare bedroom door three times
*Ten minutes later*
Bec: Ugggh where is he? Did he go outside? Is he in bed? What happens if he gets sleep apnea and DIES? Actually, was that the spare bedroom door he slammed, or the front door? What if he went outside and slipped on the deck and is paralysed? Or went to lock the chickens up, and got attacked by a fox, or bitten by a snake and is currently being swallowed? And I’ve done NOTHING? Arrrgh! What is that sound? Is that him? Is he being constricted and eaten? The police would ask me why I didn’t go and look for him. There’d be a trial. I’ll be known all over Toowoomba, and on Buzzfeed, as the Snake Lady Husband Killer. They won’t let me adopt any puppies ever again and I’ll have to wear an ankle bracelet and I won’t be able to shave my legs properly. Should I go in and check? No, that’s giving in. Be rational. He always says you’re irrational. He stormed off in a huff, he’s just sulking. That’s what’s happening. I need to be the bigger person in this. He’ll apologise in the morning… I wonder what he’s thinking now? I bet he can’t even sleep because he’s so mad at himself for being such an arsehole.