Bec: I went to the chemist to see if they had something for PMS and they recommended evening primrose oil, so I bought some.
Matt: Great. Do they have morning version as well?
Bec: No, that’s what it’s called. Evening primrose oil.
Matt: Does it work in the mornings?
Bec: It works all the time.
Matt: Excellent. What is it?
Bec: I don’t know. But it’s good for PMS.
Matt: Let’s Google it.
Bec: OK. It looks like it’s part of the Oenothera family.
Matt: It says here that you’re supposed to take evening primrose oil when you’re pregnant and that it helps cervical ripening.
Bec: I think you can do that, but it’s also good for PMS, the chemist said.
Matt: Good. What’s cervical ripening?
Bec: Do you really want to know?
Matt: No.
Bec: OK, well, anyway, I can take it throughout the month and it will work.
Matt: What does the ‘P’ in PMS stand for anyway. Is it ‘pre’ or ‘post’.
Bec: It’s ‘pre’.
Matt: Gosh that’s awful. So what happens when you hit menopause then? I know it’s a long way away, but what happens when you hit menopause?
Bec: What do you mean?
Matt: Well, if you have ‘pre menopausal stress’ for, like, 40 years, does it stop once you go ‘post’ menopausal?
Bec: PMS doesn’t stand for ‘pre menopausal stress’, it stands for ‘pre menstrual stress’.
Matt: Oh. I thought it was ‘pre menopausal stress’.
Bec: No.
Matt: So why are you in a bad mood so often then? If it was ‘pre menstrual’ wouldn’t you just be in a bad mood just before you had your period?
Bec: I’m only in a bad mood just before I get my period. On the Tuesday night before, remember?
Matt: *Cough*
Bec: What do you mean “*cough*”?
Matt: Nothing. I think it’s great that you have evening primrose oil.
Bec: OK.
Matt: Why did my mum call it ‘PMT’?
Bec: What did the ‘T’ stand for?
Matt: ‘Tension’.
Bec: She was probably tense because after she had you she probably decided the best thing to do would be to spare the human race and never have sex ever again. The decision would have been greeted with joy from the rest of the population, but, I imagine, a lot of tension forthwith for her.
Matt: Well that’s obviously not true because she had my brother.
Bec: Well maybe the ‘P’ stood for ‘post’ and the ‘M’ stood for ‘Matt’ then. I suffer from post Matt tension quite regularly.
Matt: Post marriage tension, more like. From not having sex enough.
Bec: That’s not fair.
Matt: Actually, you’re right. It’s not that you haven’t wanted to have sex since we got married, you’ve just have PMS and have been too busy telling me you hate me because I’m too pedantic when I cook breakfast for you and I have outrageous demands like wanting the toast to be ready at the same time as the bacon.
Bec: You’re not ‘pedantic’ in the kitchen, you’re a control freak.
Matt: Well maybe I should take evening primrose oil when I cook then.
Bec: I think you should take evening primrose oil whenever you decide to open your mouth.
Matt: I would, but I don’t want to get any cervical ripening.
