Matt Bought a Canoe


Matt, offering his best angle.

Matt: Can you stop paddling?

Bec: Why?

Matt: I want to see if it makes any difference. I don’t think it’s going to make much difference so you might as well save yourself the trouble and stop wetting me with your unorthodox oar technique.

Bec: OK. I’ve stopped.

Matt: Actually, I think I can tell the difference.

Bec: See. I’m stronger than you think.

Matt: No, wait, it was just some leaves floating past. I thought they were floating past slower when you stopped paddling but it was just an optical illusion.

Bec: I’ll tell you what’s an optical illusion.

Matt: What?

Bec: Your face.


Bec: “So how much did you pay for that special waterproof bag that you roll up yourself and tie in a knot? $180?”

Matt: About that.

Bec: How many times have you used it?

Matt: Since all time, or since we moved to the country?

Bec: Since we moved to the country.

Matt: I haven’t used it since we moved to the country.

Bec: Since all time?

Matt: Once.

Bec: Would you say it was a wise investment?

The Sink or Float Game

Bec: If I drop this paddle over the side, accidentally, will it sink or float?

Matt: I don’t know. My paddle floats but I gave you the shit one, so it might not float.

Bec: What about the waterproof bag? Sink or float?

Matt: It will float.

Bec: It’d want to for $180. Esky – sink or float?

Matt: Float.

Bec: Your hat – sink or float.

Matt: Float. No point in even trying.

Bec: iPhone – sink or float?

Matt: Whose iPhone?

Bec: Mine.

Matt: It’ll float. You should try it.

Bec: Let me try it with yours first.

Matt: No.

Bec: Matt Granfield – sink or float?

Making a sail from a picnic blanket

Rebecca: Born to sail.

Matt: Hey, hold this picnic blanket up.

Bec: Why?

Matt: I’m making a sail. I’ll hold this end, you hold that end. I’ve tied the bottom corners to the canoe with a clove hitch.

Bec: What’s a clove hitch?

Matt: Totally the best knot for the situation.

Bec: How many friends did you have in high school?

The Romance

Matt: I love this seating position. We’re not facing each other so I can’t hear you and you can’t ask so many questions.


Bec: Do you think someone hateful might have put freshwater crocodiles in here?

Matt: No.

Bec: Are there such things as freshwater sharks?

Matt: No.

Bec: If I saw a fin, I’d push you in first. So I’d have time to swim away whilst it was still eating you.

Grass is Greener

Bec: So do you like our new canoe?

Matt: It’s heaps better than my kayak.

Bec: Is that canoe over there better than ours?

Matt: No, ours is the best.

Bec: Have you ever not got the best?

Matt: No.

Bec: How long do you think you’ll be interested in canoeing?

Matt: I think I’ll be interested in it for a while. It’s nice being able to spend time with you rather than kayaking by myself.

Bec: Really? That’s not like you though. You’re usually a bit ‘grass is greener’. You don’t want a windsurfer now that you’ve got a canoe?

Matt: Hmm?

Bec: I said , are you sure you don’t want a windsurfer now that you’ve got a canoe?

Matt: Oh, sorry, I didn’t hear you, I was checking out the sailboat over there. How much do you reckon they are?


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