Matt makes savings ‘plans’. Plans include high-powered Mercedes-Benz. Bec threatens divorce.

Matt: Just so you know, I’m not buying lunch today NOR an ice-cream. Because I’m a saver. And, a good boy.

Wine bottle business plan

One of Matt’s new ‘business plans’

Bec: Seriously? You’re not getting credit for that Matt.

Matt: I made my lunch yesterday too. That’s two days in a row, surely I get some sort of credit. Or a massage or something.

Bec: Didn’t you leave your sandwich on the counter yesterday, by ‘accident’?

Matt: Yes, well, it was an accident. I was really looking forward to that sandwich. It had lamb shank meat in it. That’s, like, the best meat ever. That’s better than lobster meat.

Bec: So if you left your lunch on the counter, what did you eat instead?

Matt: I had Grill’d.

Bec: Yes, I know. I saw it in online banking. You spent $16 at Grill’d. That’s not ‘saving’.

Matt: Yeah, but I didn’t even have a drink. I just got a burger, and chips, and two types of chip condiment. But no drink. Because I’m saving. I’m even saving with my hobbies – have you noticed how I haven’t been to Masters for two weeks?

Bec: Darling, the only reason we’ve had to draft a budget is because your hobbies are ridiculous; the never ending vineyard/money pit, your stupid cars, and the fact you now think you can claim wine as a ‘tax deduction’ because you have a ‘wine blog‘. You can’t claim wine as a tax deduction because you have a wine blog. It’s not a tax deduction, it’s a bank balance deduction. Meanwhile, me, the martyr over here; I have HOLES in my shoes.

Matt: Yes, I’ve been meaning to talk to you about those. They’re disgusting. I wouldn’t even touch your shoes with my feet, even if I were wearing shoes.

Bec: Yeah, you wouldn’t want to get your new $500 crocodile print RM Williams damaged. Anyways, the reason I’ve not bought new shoes is because I’m mindful of our spending.

Matt: Hey! I’m mindful of our spending too. Remember – no ice creams this week.

Bec: Oh I’m sorry, well done. I should also probably praise you for not stopping by Mercedes-Benz on the way home and buying the new model, which apparently has your name all over it, because you STRANGELY saw someone driving it TWICE IN THE ONE DAY. What a sign!

Matt: I won’t sit here and let you speak ill of the new CLA 45 AMG. It has the world’s most powerful production engine, on a per cubic centimetre basis. It’s also a very safe family car. Our future children will be very safe in that car. It has a five star ANCAP rating.

Bec: If I ever look in online banking and see you’ve put down a deposit on a 44 AMG, we will be getting a divorce.

Matt: 45 AMG.

Bec: Whatever.

Matt: All good. I took out a new credit card the other day. As a test for ‘work purposes’. I had to see how easy it was to open, given I work in a bank and all. I’ll just put the CLA 45 AMG deposit on that. You won’t even see it.

Bec: No dramas. My solicitor fees for the divorce will come out of our savings account. I doubt you’ve ever looked at that, so I’m fairly confident you won’t see that either.


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