Top 10 rules for living with Matt
by Matt+ · February 16, 2013
- Groceries are always put in the back of the car, secured like Tetris, because loaves of bread can be “very dangerous missiles”.
Matt pointing out Bec’s poor vacuuming skills
- Matt works in banking. If anything banking or money-related comes on television, I must be silent. He however is allowed to stand naked in front of my favourite show, and swing his privates around.
- His jokes are always funnier than mine. Similarly, if he’s doing something that in his mind is entertaining, hilarious, or, physical, like climbing a tree or mowing – I must watch him. “You’re not watching me!” is often screamed like a 7 year old, on our property.
- Wherever he puts things in the kitchen, is correct. If I wish to put something somewhere, “You can put it there, but you’d be wrong,” is offered.
- When I unpack the dishwasher, I am not to venture into the section of kitchen he’s in, because it causes too much disruption to his work, such as stirring soup.
- The mess Matt creates in the kitchen (which has him banned from cooking at his parents’ home) is “art”.
- When he is awake, I must be awake too, and this is rectified by him rotating his body about 12 times, until I wake, ‘naturally’.
- His wedding speech was significantly better than mine.
- He is correct in tallying the number of drinks he’s had. I am incorrect, and apparently always inflate the number by at least 10.
- Matt knows everything about dogs, and I know nothing. I.e. Molly just needed to “walk out” her cruciate ligament tearing,“like a sprained ankle”.